"Love and hate"

I felt it necessary to share with you the things I love and hate about my physical self. From a fashion industry point of view, I know I am at the bottom of the food chain. I am considered obese by the nutritional system of America and  I am a tall 5'4. Even without being "considered obese oh wait that morbidly obese " the fact that I am only 5'4 stumps my wishful thinking for a modeling career by itself . You can laugh now. But, because I am a dreamer, someone who see's outside and beyond the box, I know one day I can make my dreams come true. I think !!!!

 What are they?  Just to feel like I have reached a goal that I have longed for my whole life, any of them. What I love about me is that I know I have potential to achieve such heights. What I hate about me is that I let what I see like many other not deemed perfect women get me down instead of taking it in and then spiting it out. The Bible says a woman hardships are ten times that of mans.And he ain't lying. I think it is important for we women to eliminate as much of that hardship as we can. As this is true for everyone we women bring a lot of the hardship on ourselves. Worrying about image, about hair, perfect figures and perfect accents. Perfect children and a perfect man. We never take time out to see the light in what we do and don't have. Now all of these things don't apply to all women but most of it does. What do we want???? Hell if I know because all I want is to be the size I was in junior high.... did I forget vanity. 

Are we women plagued? Is there any hope? This has so much to do with fashion because they are who tell us what size and shape is acceptable. Yet I am suppose to ignore it and keep confidence that the fashion industry is just a small snippet of the world and I should be happy  in my own skin right??? Wrong  because at the end of the day even if the runways began flooding with bigger and better models we would still have a million other issues to tackle.
 So here is the part where you ask(whiny voice) well if you are having weight issues do something about it and blah blah blah, Shutty!!!! you think I am not!?!?!
 It is a mudslide battle you climb and climb the mud is drying your grip  is steading, and then its raining again and down you go. 
Don't get me wrong I am more confident now then I have ever been in my life, and I have tons of reasons that I am ever thankful. You have to know that!! But it is that ping of unfulfilled destiny that is inside of me and I hate it. I want it out I want it to be displayed for me to see it in the flesh. there is so much more to me. We all want to be adored in one way or another. Try to adore yourself more. 
Yes some people adore themselves so much that no one else matters. Don't be like that because then you will reap what you sew if the table are ever turned. Be happy with you and what you have, and be ecstatic at what you don't have. Trust me I know its hard. It is almost like a teeter totty ride. up then down then up then down.I guess  if you keep at it eventually you have a breakthrough.


 I asked my self all the time because I believe in speaking what I want into the universe... Once you get what  you  you want, what are you going to do with it, and what will you do to keep it?????'